No no, it doesn't mean you have to hunt for ghosts forever or that your fleeting dreams are something that should not be let go. By all means, if everything was so easily attainable then what would be the point of anything? If it was all so easy, I personally do not think I could do it. It's not so much that I look for the challenge, I just try not to let it get in the way. No, I am not Pete and going to join the UFC buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...well now I am getting too specific and as said I am still hunting ghosts. It takes time and I have a lot of it, until I don't. That actual can swing two ways but then I would consistently not be consistent in my topics which I am trying be for once.
You can chase...ghosts, all you want. Ghosts can be whatever you want it to be. Something lost, something that was taken from you and lacked the consistency you once relied on. For me, that was few things and only a few understand the depths of which that goes. So what do we find consistency in? What is that we can rely on without disappoint? I don't know. Was I suppose to have an answer? Hope not because I've got nothing for you. I mean, the reality of this is that it is not for you. Not yet. Maybe some day, I would like that. For now, this is for me and you to come along. Perhaps there is something you can pick out. That's the most I can hope for but until then, let's explore my consistency.
It is rather simple really, the one thing that exists and is always there even when it's not. It's what I reflect upon at any moment and no matter the time that passes and the changes that are made i will always have a Kiddo and baby. For years my life has not had a straight path, hell there was barely pavement but I knew my direction and as long as I didn't stray too far from that line I could make it. I could keep on keeping on. I knew what it is I had to live for. I knew what had to be maintained, what needed to be fulfilled every day so that I could get to the next. We all live for our kids, at least I hope so to an extent. That we want them to be happy and grow up to be as or more successful than we are. I never understood the concept of wanting more for them because there is no reason to belittle your life and all they you gave for them. Here's where those in the know might question my methods and even those not. The consistency does not mean they are the fallback. They are definitely not that. They are consistent: so much that I ran and kinda forgot to say bye to...people. Yes, people. Not that is not understandable but damn I love my kids. Parent to parent I understand the time that is devoted, I understand the hold people have and the non-negotiable standards people set forth but this does not mean I do not have a life. Again, this is about consistency and finding something that you can invest in. Something that will be there and it may not always be faith, friends, family or even your rebellious kids because they will grow up. They will start to have their own lives, then what? To live life you have to understand some basic principals. You have to understand life can change in a moment and there is absolutely nothing you can do about. No you cannot be realistically prepared to handle anything but hopefully you have started to surround yourself with people that can help. Things will not always get better in a foreseeable future but things will also not get any better just sitting around waiting for it. I spent many years in the dark but here I am, still rebuilding, taking it slow and appreciating what has been given to me. One week, at a time. A day is too short and you gotta make some plans. The consistency is that I try to do something a little different every day. I try a little more to be better in any aspect. This allows me to hit on all the fronts because your health is important. If you are not happy, if you are not taking care of yourself then how can you take care of others? If all that time is theirs, when is it ever yours? I love what I have but if everything, and I mean everything, was for them then I would have hit a wall a long time ago. Yes there's still some demolition going on but you pick your battles and here I am at the edge of mine. I have two amazing little dudes, supportive family not too far, a great job, acceptance to a graduate program, a revitalized attitude in the Navy and...ghosts. (: