I am a dumbass. I would be a jackass, but only if, well maybe I just wanted to reference a favorite movie. Never the less, I remain a dumbass. With this and the question I was asked I know, as I generally do, turn a lot of people off with this topic but today someone asked me if I believed in God, Jesus and all that. It's weird because this is what pastor's preach about so often, that as Christians and followers of God people should not be asking this, they should just see it. I wanted to wait on faith because I never was a big fan of fate and there were other things to talk about but as fate would have it...I was asked that question but what I consider a good friend. I did not take long to describe how I felt and my belief is a simple one, yes I do but, my faith in humanity and the people that hold such a torch barely exists. It ties to everything from 3 years ago and you would think I would or should be over it but I have found life so much simpler when you cut out the politics. Let's get back to that though.
Faith. Belief. Everyone has them. I am so far from anti-science but if you think that's not faith or belief, you need to reevaluate your own abilities. Last I checked, you were not able to prove any of that, show it or comprehensibly explain it from your own experience. You just choose to believe. Reality is, it does not really matter, generally speaking, just that it is how it is and we act accordingly. Sure some things are more visible; gravity, designs of vehicles, pollution etc etc, other things we just have to accept, especially space, but how does that affect us? It doesn't but it's REALLY cool to know. So that brings me to God. Yes, I believe. Yes, I lost my faith for a bit but more so in myself and that I didn't deserve anything.
Weird, you go away for 4 hours, enjoy life and realize that talking about losing your faith and gaining back in the same night seems, convoluted.
Either way this is not what I even wanted to talk about. Today has nothing to do with faith because I have that. I believe in something and i hope you do too. We should all believe in something but not so much that when reality hits or changes are made it lets you down. It hits you so hard that you can barely get up. You cannot breathe, you cannot see nor comprehend how this world functions with such a loss. You know why this happens to you? It is ridiculous simple, wrong and misplaced but we will sum it up every time as Fate would have it. Fate. A comprehension that is impossible to make. Was it fate that a storm gave an excuse that never came or was it fate that provided the right questions as the right time to again, share in that extra time.
Quick plug for my Instagram where I write smaller excerpts. @lastshot.photo @gnate_c Look, I'm still settling into this alright?
Time. Oh wait, another time. Fate. We can fight it, we can pretend it does not exist, which it doesn't, does it? Luck, coincidence and chance are all just things that happen to happen when we need it, perhaps occasionally when we want, but could it not be fate? Could it not be that,
"hey, you were going to have that anyhow."
I do not believe in Fate, so no. It just happened to happen, I saw what was presented in front of me and took it. I make the excuse because i knew what that night would be. I knew that road, I have been down it often and unlike before I have something to lose or maybe I am just aware of it more. The whole, we are not there yet, my bad. The possibility was not in stone but the most likely outcome in the long run was not desired. I only deal in long runs these days in a world that can barely see past their weekend. That remains me, I have plans in a couple weekends and more after that. A story still to develop but a long run that matters. Friends matter. This is why I should not take breaks. I have have faith. I do not believe in fate or divine intervention for that matter and um, friends matter. Those true long term friends that you can call, text whenever and they are there for you. Those friends that actually worry and inquire into your life to know what is going on despite the humidity and how vague I make these damn things.