To forgive is devine, so let's have a glass of wine.

September 09, 2019  •  Leave a Comment

When you can't forgive yourself how do you move on? How do you recover from an incident that you caused? I'm not talking on a small scale here, I'm talking grand! I'm talking something that's just so overwhelmingly life affecting that you're just stuck for years trying to get right again and that's why you end up in therapy and talk about how you should forgive yourself. It is something that's happened to you so you learn, you go on,  you try to incorporate yourself back in the life as best you can but the reality is you can't because there is a cloud drifting around, seeping into you clogging your thoughts and fogging over your eyes from anything else that you could and want to see. It's this dream scenario that constantly replaying in your head over and over again and what's worse is because it's been so long, and depending on whether it is a one-time incident or events that occurred over time, it constantly nibbles at you. You try to face it though as you should but then the onslaught comes so you back down but it does not. It continues to remind what happened and why you're here in the first place. How can you ever possibly recover from this? How do you forgive yourself?

 

Maybe you don't. Maybe you just learn to live with it. Maybe you push it aside or make up an excuse but in the end, maybe you're able to move on a bit and then with that ability of you moving on you've been able to adjust and learn what it is that you did in the first place. It is with this first bit of clarity, this first time being able to actually analyze and look at what happened with a different and opened perspective. Is this the first step in how you forgive yourself maybe you have to push through and just not forgive yourself blame yourself on it and then with that I is when you realize maybe it wasn't so bad or she I fucked up but I'm not going to do it again. forgiveness is a weird thing because they say you should forgive and forget but the reality is you're never going to forget because if you forget any given this is context if you forget how you going to remember later to avoid it or do it again yeah I know whether you're the person that needs to do the forgiving and then forgetting or whether you're the person that has to forgive themselves.

 

I guess that's the reality of forgiveness is that everyone thinks if you forgive you have to forget but forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting. Forgiveness has to do with acceptance. forgiveness is the act of acknowledging what happened by either party and saying it's done, we were affected and we can carry on. it doesn't mean that everything is over or that there's not a lasting impact because the lessons from whatever occurred have to still be applied. you still need to learn from what happened because if you don't then you're just right back where you're at there might not be forgetting us the next time. so what I ask of you is that you try to forgive others no matter what 'cause the reality is that is far easier to forgive others than yourself. it's in that forgiveness of others that you learn how to forgive yourself and I mean truly forgive. You're either still able to communicate with these people or that the passing memories are just that and it's either a lesson learned, better times remembered or just not even a blip at all. I guess at the end of it all, the entire point of forgiveness is a try because the reality is that varies so much from person to person and all you can do is try. Try and to get through, to make sure we all get through and come out on the other side than we were.

 


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